Strawberry Rhubarb Syrup

If you can't tell, I'm obsessed with these bottles. Any excuse to fill them with a pretty colored something and I'm all over it. Plus, this goes deliciously with the strawberry basil vodka I made a couple weeks ago. This recipe can be tweaked, since I basically eye balled it, but this is what I did.

Put equal parts water and sugar in a sauce pan and turn on medium high heat until it starts to boil. I used enough to fill the pot halfway. I then added in 4 stalks of rhubarb, roughly chopped, and a pint of strawberries hulled and quartered. Let that simmer until it reduces by half, but be careful to make sure it doesn't boil over! I also added a half teaspoon of vanilla powder and a tablespoon of white balsamic vinegar, but this is totally optional.

Strain thoroughly, let cool, put in bottles, and voila! Syrup! Perfect for adding to sparkling water or cocktails.

Enjoy!

Cinnamon Roll Pancakes

I saw this recipe for Cinnamon Roll Pancakes and knew I had to make them. I changed the recipe a bit and used Clinton Street's recipe for pancakes as a base, but I'm sure they would be delicious no matter what. My photos turned out somewhat horrible, but Brandon said they were "the best thing ever" so I'm not sure how much it matters.

Cinnamon Roll Pancakes

Yield: 4 servings (4 pancakes)

Prep Time: 25 min

Cook Time: 10 min

Ingredients:

PANCAKES:
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
1 Tablespoon canola oil
1 large egg, lightly beaten
CINNAMON FILLING:
1/2 cup butter, melted
3/4 cup brown sugar, packed
1 Tablespoon ground cinnamon
CREAM CHEESE GLAZE:
4 Tablespoons butter
2 ounces cream cheese
3/4 cup powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

1. Prepare pancake batter: In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder and salt. Whisk in milk, oil and egg, just until batter is moistened (a few small lumps are fine).
2. In a medium bowl, mix butter, brown sugar and cinnamon. Scoop the filling into a small zip baggie and set aside. You don't want this to remain super-liquidy. It's best if it becomes a consistency similar to toothpaste.
3. In a medium, microwave-safe bowl- heat butter and cream cheese until melted. Whisk together until smooth; whisk in powdered sugar and vanilla extract; set aside.
4. Heat large skillet over medium-low heat. Spray with nonstick spray. Scoop about 3/4 cup batter onto the skillet. Snip the corner of your baggie of filling and squeeze a spiral of the filling onto the top of the pancake. When bubbles begin to appear on the surface, flip carefully with a thin spatula, and cook until browned on the underside, 1 to 2 minutes more. Transfer to a baking sheet or platter and keep in a warm oven until ready to serve.
5. When ready to serve, spoon warmed glaze onto the top of each pancake.

Tips:

*Keep the heat low or your pancakes might cook up too quickly. Don't flip them until you see those bubbles starting to pop on top. Flip them with a wide spatula so you can grasp the whole thing without batter and filling dripping all over the place!
*It's best if you pour the batter onto your skillet, wait a minute or so and then swirl the cinnamon onto the batter. That'll give it a chance to set a little before you add the swirl.
*If your baggie of filling begins to get too thick, just pop it in the microwave for a few seconds to soften it up again. On that same note, it shouldn't be too runny. The consistency of soft toothpaste is perfect. If it's melty and runny, it will tend to run all over your pancakes. Once you micro it, let it sit on the counter at room temp for a while until it thickens slightly.

Biscuits with Raspberry Jam

I got the most delicious raspberry jam from the place I was talking about in Napa. It tasted just like the jam at Clinton Street Baking Co., so of course I had to make their biscuits!

Ingredients

• 8 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for baking sheet
• 2 teaspoons coarse salt
• 2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup vegetable shortening
• 3/4 cup cold unsalted butter (1 1/2 sticks)
• 3 cups buttermilk

Directions

1. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, salt, baking powder, and sugar; set aside. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, mix together shortening and butter. Add flour mixture to shortening mixture and mix together until crumbly. Add buttermilk and stir until just incorporated.
   
2. Sprinkle a rimmed baking sheet lightly with flour. Turn biscuit dough out onto a 13-by-9 1/2-inch rimmed baking sheet and gently press dough to cover. Using a rolling pin, roll surface of dough until evenly distributed. Cover dough with plastic wrap and transfer to a refrigerator to chill for at least 20 minutes, or until ready to bake, up to 1 day.
   
3. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
   
4. Cut biscuit dough using a 2 1/2-inch round biscuit cutter and transfer biscuits to prepared baking sheet, rerolling scraps one time, if necessary. Bake until golden, about 18 minutes. Serve immediately.
   
   
   
   
   

Napa

Last weekend I went to Napa with my mom, my aunt, Wookie, and a few family friends. It was a fun day. Who knew there's a Bouchon Bakery here? I was so sad when I left New York that I hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye to it, but it's here! I got a very delicious lemon poppy-seed danish with cream cheese icing and a raspberry macaron. The vegans ate bread with coffee and soy milk (sad).

Then we went to this place, I should have written down the name, but it had all these different olive oils and vinegars and jams and mustards, and anything you can think of really. We went around sampling all of them and came away with some superb spoils: heirloom tomato pasta sauce, lemon olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and this amazing spice blend.

It's basically a mixture of dried parsley, red pepper flakes, and dried garlic. When mixed with balsamic vinegar and olive oil it is the most delicious dipping sauce I've ever had. Plus the container is so cute (even if Wookie barks every time I take the two metal things on the sides off so I can open it).

Then we went to Frog's Leap Vineyard and drank wine while wandering their gardens. The "adults" stole a pretty significant amount of merchandise. "Give us Wookie's carrier," they instruct me. "Why?" I ask. "We need something to put the melons it! Come on!" Of course. The melons.

Wookie's First Beach

A little while ago, I took Wookie Weasel to the beach for the first time. Needless to say, she went ape shit. She was a little terror up and down the beach, and it was probably the cutest thing I've ever witnessed. At first she was very timid about the water, running backwards to get away from it as the tide came in, but then she got a bit braver and ventured in with me. Photo documentation below.

She was extremely sandy when we got back to the car, and I had to burrito her in a towel.

Where should I take her for our next adventure?

French Onion Soup

After posting about French Onion Soup in a Sandwich, it was only natural that I make actual French Onion Soup. I used the recipe from Smitten Kitchen and it turned out lovely. I obviously made the vegetarian version, and it was some of the best FOS I've ever had. I also cut the recipe in half which resulted in approximately four bowlfuls.

French Onion Soup
1 1/2 pounds (680 grams or 24 ounces or about 5 cups) thinly sliced yellow onions
3 tablespoons (42 grams or 1 1/2 ounces) unsalted butter
1 tablespoon (15 ml) olive oil
1 teaspoon (5 grams) table salt, plus additional to taste
1/4 teaspoon (1 gram) granulated sugar (helps the onions to brown)
3 tablespoons (24 grams or 7/8 ounce) all-purpose flour
2 quarts (8 cups or 1.9 liters) beef or other brown stock*
1/2 cup (118 ml) dry white wine or dry white vermouth
Freshly ground black pepper
3 tablespoons (45 ml) cognac or brandy (optional)

For Top:
1 tablespoon grated raw onion
1 to 2 cups (to taste) grated Swiss (I often use Gruyere) or a mixture of Swiss and Parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon butter, melted
12 to 16 1-inch thick rounds French bread, toasted until hard

Melt the butter and oil together in the bottom of a 4- to 5-quart saucepan or Dutch oven over moderately low heat. Add the onions, toss to coat them in oil and cover the pot. Reduce the heat to real low and let them slowly steep for 15 minutes. They don’t need your attention; you can even go check your email.

After 15 minutes, uncover the pot, raise the heat slightly and stir in the salt and sugar. Cook onions, stirring frequently, for 30 to 40 minutes until they have turned an even, deep golden brown. Don’t skimp on this step, as it will build the complex and intense flavor base that will carry the rest of the soup. Plus, from here on out, it will be a cinch.

After the onions are fully caramelized, sprinkle them with flour and cook, stirring, for 3 minutes. Add the wine in full, then stock, a little at a time, stirring between additions. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Bring to a simmer and simmer partially covered for 30 to 40 more minutes, skimming if needed. Correct seasonings if needed but go easy on the salt as the cheese will add a bit more saltiness and I often accidentally overdo it. Stir in the cognac, if using. I think you should.
Set aside until needed. I find that homemade onion soup is so deeply fragrant and flavor-rich that it can stand alone, but that doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy the graitinéed top once in a while. Here’s how to pull it off:

Preheat oven to 325. Arrange six ovenproof soup bowls or crocks on a large, foil-lined baking sheet. Bring the soup back to a boil and divide among six bowls. To each bowl, add 1/2 teaspoon grated raw onion and a tablespoon of grated cheese. Stir to combine. Dab your croutons with a tiny bit of butter and float a few on top of your soup bowls, attempting to cover it. Mound grated cheese on top of it; how much you use will be up to you. [Julia Child, in another era, felt that 1/2 cup of grated cheese could be divided among 6 bowls. I can assure you that if you'd like your gooey bubbling cheese lid to be anything like what you get at your local French restaurant, you are looking to use more, such as a generous 1/4 cup.]

Bake soups on tray for 20 minutes, then preheat broiler. Finish for a minute or two under the broiler to brown the top lightly. Grab pot holders, and serve immediately.

* Porcini or mushroom stock are a robust vegetarian substitution.

French Onion Soup in a Sandwich

Do you like french onion soup? Do you like sandwiches? Well hot damn, put caramelized onions into your grilled cheese then! This can be done with any cheese you like, but I prefer muenster or gruyere. Today I used muenster and Challah bread.

For this you will need:

Two reasonably thick slices of Challah bread
Two slices of muenster cheese
A good amount of butter
One Vidalia onion
One tbsp white balsamic vinegar
Olive Oil
Salt

First, slice the onion and add to a pan with olive oil on medium heat. Add salt and stir.

After they have started to brown slightly, turn the heat to low and let caramelize for approximately 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Once they look like the below, add white balsamic vinegar and scrape up brown bits at the bottom of the pan.

Let the onions cool and begin to assemble your sandwich. Place one slice of cheese on each piece of bread, then gently place the caramelized onions between. Melt a tablespoon or two of butter in a pan on medium heat and place sandwich in pan.

 

After a minute or two, set the heat to low and flip. Then cover with a lid to ensure the cheese melts.

Slice and try not to inhale the whole thing at once!

California Sunsets

I didn't see many sunsets in New York. I wish I did, but unfortunately the apartments I lived in with views usually faced east. So, I saw a few sunrises, but not many sunsets.

Fortunately, the sunsets in California are beautiful. So there's something to be thankful for.

Coffee Vodka

At The Randolph in NYC, they have a thing called pickle backs. A shot of Jameson followed by a shot of pickle juice. For my birthday/going away party, my friends convinced me to try one. I refused the whiskey and opted for Belvedere Vodka instead. The result: "Was it awful?" -friends. "No," ::struggle face:: "It's fine." -me.

A much more appealing option is the coffee back shots. A shot of house-infused coffee vodka followed by a shot of rootbeer cream. I have not a clue how to make rootbeer cream, but I can definitely make coffee vodka.

 

Fill a mason jar up about 1/3 of the way with fresh coffee grounds, then pour in the vodka. 

 

Let sit for about a week shaking periodically.

Strain through a coffee filter. I also used a strainer because I don't actually drink coffee on the reg.

Funnel into cute bottles and voila! Coffee vodka! "Careful," says my mother, "Someone might think that bottle on the left is maple syrup!" Who? I ask. Who!

Sex Tips for Men (I guess?)

I've always been a fan of Cosmo. There, I said it. I admit it. I know it's a stupid magazine that does its best to make women feel that they can and should behave like whores, I know that. I think my fascination started with it when I was in my early teens and wanted to know about sex without experiencing sex. I did like any good nerdy and somewhat reclusive girl would do: I researched. And yeah, because I don't have a penis and felt uncomfortable trying to download porn for free from Lime Wire or Kazaa (REMEMBER KAZAA?? I didn't until today when I hacked into my ancient desktop computer from 10 years ago), I read Cosmo. I hoped it would explain the mysteries of blow jobs or something.

Anyway, I digress. The point is, I'm familiar with sex advice for women. 'Shave everything you've got and cook for him naked' or 'Wear red lingerie and heels while he enters you.' Stupid shit that I'm not sure any guy actually cares about. Then again, early-20's guys seem to want to fuck anything that walks, so maybe this advice is aimed toward older men and the women who date them. Probably not, though. Probably it's just bad advice.

Right, so I'm familiar with Cosmo. I am NOT, however, familiar with the male equivalents. When  patrolling stumbleupon.com (I have an addiction, sir!) an article from Men's Health popped up: '33 Sex Tips to Turn Her On.'

Oh boy, here we go.

I'll start out with the good. Some of this is perfectly good advice -- I know, surprise, surprise! For instance, "Most bedroom problems boil down to this: Men are microwaves and women are slow cookers." I wouldn't disagree with that. Also, "In public, at a party, tell her what you want to do to her later: "Tonight, I'm going to make you have as many orgasms as possible." For women, anticipating it can be as exciting as the actual event," isn't horrible advice either. I agree with the anticipation sentiment. (Though I would probably balk at that specific scenario given that most guys at parties get OMG TOTALLY SHITFACED MAN and would forget about that promise later on... but if followed through on, two thumbs up!)

Alright, now for the bad. And by bad, I mean hilarious. The idea that these suggestions would get me or any other lady hot and bothered is actually probably alarming. See below for a few gems:

1) "A gift of lingerie is cliched, right? So twist it. Give it to her when you (seemingly) don't expect sex right then and there. Pass it under the table at a restaurant and ask her to go to the ladies' room and change into it. "It's a little naughty, but she has a chance to play back," says Joy Davidson, Ph.D., a relationship therapist in Seattle. Not recommended for a first date."Oh, not recommended for a first date? Not going to ask the girl you've known a short period of time to go into the ladies room and put on an undergarment that probably has not yet been washed? Pussy.

2) "For extra shower power, pour a couple of drops of shower gel into a spray bottle and mix it with water. Spray her, then rub. She'll feel three different types of stimulation—the steady pelting of the shower, the soft spray of the soapy gel, and the firm caresses of your hands. That's the kind of threesome that turns her on." That's the kind of threesome that turns her on? The best part of this one is the comments. A few chicks get really hurt by the insinuation that they wouldn't be turned on by a real threesome, and then a supposed-virgin claims she chose "treasure over pleasure" and is waiting until marriage to give her husband-to-be said pleasure. Or is it treasure? 


3) "Bondage is appealing for a good reason: It heightens the anticipation for the one who's receiving the pleasure. But anything with locks, Velcro, or ties can freak her out (us, too), so try this: While you're rolling around in bed, wrap her up in the sheet so she can't do anything with her arms (think burrito or straitjacket). Leave her head, shoulders, and lower legs uncovered. Now kiss every inch of exposed skin. It's simple, spontaneous, and soft-core." This is actually my nightmare. I'm not joking. When I was a child I had to sleep naked because I would get trapped in the sheets and panic. Even now, I sleep with a duvet sans top-sheet because I will get trapped in the sheets and panic. There was one time when I was 7 that my dad deliberately trapped me in a sleeping bag as part of a moronic game. Scariest. Shit. Ever. The idea that a lover would intentionally do this to me and then expect me to enjoy being kissed below the waist? Frightening. Equally frightening is the idea that a sheet burrito could successfully hold me tight? How the fuck would that work?

4) "Let Her Give You a Pearl Necklace... But not a real one. Lightly lubricate the pearls and your penis. Have your partner wrap the pearls around the shaft and slowly stroke up and down with a gentle rotation. The beads feel warm and smooth, creating a new level of sensation." Okay. Someone seems to have forgotten the point of this list. This will turn your girl on? Really? No, I'm serious. Will a guy asking his girl to do this turn said girl on? 

I could go on and on.

Probably better to just read the article yourself and have a laugh: http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/sex_tips_to_turn_her_on/printer.php

Homemade Vodka Infusions

So, I'm back in California. Living with my mother. Unemployed. You all know what that means: time to booze. But let's try to keep it classy, y'all. Time to try out some (hopefully delicious) vodka infusions.

This whole idea started a few weeks ago when I bought a promo on GiltCity.com for Public in NYC. $30 for three vodka infusions and three fruit liqueurs? Sold. The vodkas were pineapple pinkpeppercorn, mango yuzu jalapeno, and fig fennel. Pineapple pinkpeppercorn was the clear favorite. For the fruit liqueurs, grapefruit, lemon vanilla, and banana clove. The banana clove tasted like bananas foster. Shitty drunken camera phone photo documentation below:

Isn't the butcher block super cute for the fruit liqueurs?

We stole the pencils. Should've taken the clipboard, though.

Needless to say, upon my arrival at home recreating this experience was priority #1. I headed over to BevMo with Wooks, who proceeded to poop in the vodka aisle, and picked up a huge bottle of Svekda vodka for less than $20. I also bought a bottle of whipped cream vodka because... you know... necessary.

First step, fill glass mason jars with desired fruit, herbs, etc, and top with vodka. I chose to do four flavors: banana clove, pineapple pinkpeppercorn, strawberry basil white balsamic, and grapefruit rosemary. I just eyeballed the recipes. For banana clove I used dried banana chips, and for the strawberry basil white balsamic I added a bit of sugar to help draw out the flavor from the strawberries.

Photos immediately after filling the jars:

From left to right: strawberry basil white balsamic, banana clove, grapefruit rosemary, and pineapple pinkpeppercorn.

In a few days they look like this:

See how the colors have deepened? And the strawberries have started to turn white as the color drained into the vodka.

Finally, after about a week, I drained each into bottles I bought at The Container Store:

The pink peppercorns look like little alien beads.

This really isn't that appetizing. Sorry.

Finally!

Ta-da! 

Okay, so my measuring could have been a bit more exact so I could fill each of the bottles up properly, but I'm going to drink it anyway. Who really cares? Ideally, I'd like to get some coffee filters to strain the banana clove a bit more thoroughly. See the thin film of fat at the top? Not so tasty-looking. Otherwise, YES!

I'm looking forward to trying this with other flavors. I want to do a peach - OH! or maybe a peach cranberry for Sex on the Beaches! And I think an espresso vodka would be really fun. Now I just need to figure out how to make "Rootbeer Cream."

Here's to being drunk in style! Cheers!

Carmelized Onion with Clove and Red Wine Pasta

My first few days of unemployment have flown by relatively quickly. Sunbathing, walking Wookie Weasel, getting brunch... I could get used to this. Alas, soon I will be en route to California, and unemployment will lose its charm as boredom and insanity set in. In an effort to avoid that I plan to get in shape, get crafty, and get cooking! My first documented project is below:

Caramelized onions with garlic, cloves and red wine? Might sound weird. But it's TASTY!

First, boil water! Next thinly slice white onion and put into a pan with a little bit of olive oil on low heat. You'll notice I have a cast-iron plate underneath my pan. This regulates the heat and helps maintain the type of continuous low heat you're looking for. Then add in garlic and cloves. The recipe called for whole cloves, but I didn't have any, so I used a few pinches of ground cloves.

Set the timer for 20 minutes and wait until it looks something like this:

Add your pasta to the water! Then start to add in the red wine bit by bit to the onion mixture, letting in evaporate and condense before adding the next bit. It will start to look like this:

When it looks like this, your pasta should be nearly done:

Time to add butter!

Put the onion mixture on top of the pasta and add some parmigiano!

Toss and consume!

So easy and so tasty! Recipe shot below: